I wonder if anybody else feels like we have experienced an explosion in our population over the last few years. It seems like every time we turn around, there are new houses or apartments scattered across our beautiful mountains and pastures. I've noticed even the folks who have transplanted themselves here are talking about the newer folks who have transplanted themselves here and complaining. I get it. It's not always positive. Getting around and finding what we need has become a chore. You don't really resent the people who are coming. Each one is only a small contribution to the problem. You do grieve the loss of the solace and peace that comes with small-town life, though.

I was sitting at a traffic light the other day when it changed from red to green. Apparently, sitting there with my foot on the gas pedal instead of the brake did not help me move quickly enough for the vehicle behind me. The driver of that vehicle let me know loudly and rudely that he was in a hurry. Since we don't do that to people here, I politely put my car in park and sat there through another cycle. It was all in hopes of keeping that gentle, slowed small-town vibe that works so well here in the Smoky Mountains. That driver needed to learn the rules. I admit, there was a little attitude behind it. A gentle tap on the horn when someone's attention has lapsed after a couple of seconds is ok, but to be so rude is just, well, it is vile and inappropriate. How we all long for those days when we were the only car on the road, and the light was just a suggestion except during school zone hours.

We know people are showing up in droves because this place and the people are awesome. The rest of the world wants to be like us, so they move here. They are correct. The weather is as close to perfect as it can get. We have beautiful mountains begging us to come, relax and play. We have plenty of water, even in a drought. The people are usually friendly and inviting, and that just makes you want to be here all even more. We do get the privilege of living in what I believe is the most awesome place on earth.

It is easy to live out our dreams here, but even in this paradise, life sometimes blows up in our faces. Making that move from your home to this new place is stressful. Coping with the changes brought on by those who have moved here is stressful. Sometimes we just need help.

Even in paradise, life gets hard.

You wonder where to go for help. You need a life coach, counselor, therapist, or psychologist. You know you need something, but you are not sure what. You start looking and run into a question nobody warned you about or that you didn't know you needed to ask. That question? Who do I want sitting in the therapy room with me?

Finding a therapist in Maryville, TN, or a counselor in Knoxville has always been difficult, but now it seems even more so. There are a lot of us, and the decision is not easy. I would like to help you find the best fit for you. There are many things to consider when choosing a therapist, and they go well beyond asking how long you have to wait for an appointment. I have listed a few of them below; they are not in any particular order.

Does the sex of your therapist matter?

The only one who knows what sex is best for you is you. Some people prefer to speak with someone of the same sex, while others feel as if they can be more open with the opposite. Most therapists, counselors, and social workers are female, but that doesn't mean you have to talk with a female. You may need to look a little longer or deeper to find a male therapist.

Does the age of your therapist matter?

It may matter. There are pros and cons here. Life experience may matter to you. Some people think about perspectives and believe it is difficult for a younger therapist to understand issues related to other seasons of life, for example, being an empty nester. Others believe that education and expertise are more important than life experience. You get to decide what works best for you.

We range in age from early twenties to well above retirement age; I am not quite old enough to retire. I have been licensed since 2005. I work hard to keep up with new practices and techniques because I want you to get better as quickly as possible.

How much professional experience does a therapist need?

Your therapist's experience does matter, but you get to decide how. Just because your therapist is older, that does not mean she/he has a lot of experience in the field. Many adults go back to school and specialize in therapy after they have raised a family. They are new to the field, even though they may not be new to adulthood. This can be an issue when considering knowledge about available services and local processes for obtaining treatment. I mentioned earlier that age might matter; experience might matter more or less. A less experienced but older therapist with lots of life experience may be exactly what you need.

I have seen newly licensed clinicians with enough life experience to cover those deficits. I have also seen newly licensed clinicians whom I didn't want to work with at all. On the other side of the spectrum, I have known therapists who had been licensed as long as I have or longer, and they are burned out and tired from failure to take care of themselves. I don't want to see that therapist either. You may want to ask your therapist what precautions are taken to prevent burnout.

You want a therapist whose priority is your care.

Does your therapist's culture matter?

I believe it does. I am not talking about race here, although it can apply. We truly are a culture of many ethnic backgrounds, and our culture does matter. Some of my most valuable lessons came from my experience as a minority in the city of New Orleans. I learned to love and respect that culture, primarily the French influences and the African influences. I believe I am a better therapist because I learned that different just means different, not better or worse.

I was in my twenties. My co-worker was African-American-looking and middle-aged, and she described herself, in her own words, as "Jap-Italian," a full-blown mixture of several cultures, and she identified fully with them all. I am quoting her because it was hers to say and she said it with pride. She showed me that embracing one's identity regardless of the world's opinion or derogatory verbiage matters. Since that time, I have been proud to call myself an ignorant, uneducated hillbilly. She taught me phrases such as "I'm having my own personal summer." More importantly, through her I learned that I shouldn't make assumptions about people. Instead, I should get to know them.

Does the therapist's personality matter?

Absolutely! This is probably the most important question of all. Does your personality match with the therapist you are seeing? Some therapists are gentle and kind and allow you to spend the session venting about your life, knowing that it will give you some relief. Others are the opposite extreme, pushing you and challenging you to get better. I hope I am somewhere in the middle, but sometimes I can push pretty hard.

You won't know until you have spoken with the therapist and gotten a feel for who she/he is. Do you like talking with that person? Do you feel safe and comfortable sharing your secrets? I provide a free fifteen-minute consultation before your first session, and one of the reasons for this consultation is to see if we are a good fit. I go further into this one in How Do You Choose the Right Therapist?

Does it matter what your therapist believes?

For some people it makes or breaks the relationship, and for others it doesn't matter at all. Therapists represent many belief systems. Some people don't care; they just want help. However, an atheist might not want to participate in the spirituality of some treatment models, and he/she may not want to see a therapist who relies on New Age or Christian spirituality. While licensed therapists do respect the beliefs of their clients, for many, it is important to know that their therapist shares a common belief and pursuit of similar spirituality.

For example, I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe all that He said and did. Because I am a follower of Jesus Christ, when you come to my office, I will do my best to treat you with the utmost respect, kindness, and love. I will always respect your freedom to choose to believe or not, and we can work together. That being said, there are things that I can't affirm or condone, because I know that I don't have that authority. I believe that authority belongs to God. Check out my blog on Jesus in therapy.

I may be the best therapist for you, but I may not. You get to decide and I am OK either way.

How do you check a therapist's reputation?

There are things you can look for. First, is the provider licensed in your state? You can check that yourself at the Tennessee license lookup. Select "Marital and Family Therapist, Licensed" and enter the name or the license number. The provider should also have credentials and certifications.

For example: I am a Clinical Fellow with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, a Certified Master ART Practitioner, and a member of the International Society of Accelerated Resolution Therapists. I am also working toward the AAMFT Approved Supervisor designation, with anticipated completion in the spring of 2027. My business is listed with Google, Yelp, Psychology Today, and other directories.

Ethically, it is inappropriate for us to directly ask our current clients for a review on any platform (AAMFT, 2026, Standard 9.2). It is also inappropriate for us to respond to any review left on a platform such as Google, Yelp, or even the Better Business Bureau. Responding would confirm that person was my client, and that is not mine to disclose (AAMFT, 2026, Standard 2.2).

So, ask your friends and family who they might recommend. There is no better referral than someone who got better because of a therapist's work. Then most importantly check to see if they are licensed using the link above or a quick internet search. Once you have done this, listen to your gut or heart. If you are one who prays then pray for guidance. It's ok to read the reviews, just don't let them be the only deciding factor.

Who do you want in the therapy room?

Me. It is time to take the next steps. Maybe you feel nervous about it. It's time for us to talk.

I am Vickie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Maryville, TN, and I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities heal from their trauma and the bad stuff that happens. Click the button above and schedule your free fifteen-minute consultation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does it matter if my therapist is a man or a woman? It matters if it matters to you, and you are the only one who can say. Some people prefer to speak with someone of the same sex, while others feel as if they can be more open with the opposite. Most therapists, counselors, and social workers are female, so if you want a man, you may need to look a little longer or deeper. The search will be worth it.

Why don't therapists have many online reviews? We are not allowed to ask for them. The code that governs my profession prohibits soliciting testimonials or endorsements from current clients (AAMFT, 2026, Standard 9.2). We also can't respond to a review, because responding would confirm that person was a client, and that would breach their confidentiality (AAMFT, 2026, Standard 2.2). A short review list is not a red flag. It is usually just a therapist following the rules.

Should I look for a Christian therapist? That depends entirely on you. For some people it matters a great deal, and for others it doesn't matter at all. Some people don't care; they just want help. For many, it is important to know that their therapist shares a common belief. I am a follower of Jesus Christ, and I will always respect your freedom to choose to believe or not.

Clinical Content Disclaimer

All clinical content on this website is written or reviewed by Vickie Starkey, LMFT, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Tennessee since 2005 (License #579). Vickie holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology from Carson-Newman College (1989) and a Master of Divinity in Psychology and Counseling from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (1995), and is a Certified Master ART Practitioner since 2023. This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. Verify my license here: https://internet.health.tn.gov/Licensure/

Crisis Resource

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

References

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (2026). AAMFT code of ethics. https://www.aamft.org/common/Uploaded%20files/Legal%20Ethics/AAMFT%20Code%20of%20Ethics.pdf

Tennessee Department of Health, Health Related Boards. (n.d.). License verification. https://internet.health.tn.gov/Licensure/