The Lion's Lamb Family Therapy

You think there is no way anyone understands your feelings and your struggle. You've lost all your joy and hope, and you see no reason to do anything. Your most common thought might be something to the effect of "Why bother?" You don't have any energy and may even see no reason to get out of bed. You feel the darkness surrounding you. That darkness is a heavy, wet blanket, and you can't get it off you no matter how hard you try.

You wonder why you even exist. You wonder if it would be better if you were dead. Sometimes, you think something like, "I wish God would just take me." Maybe you have gone so far as to wish for an accident that was someone else's fault. Unfortunately, far more often than should happen, you may even think about taking your own life. If that is you, go ahead, stop reading, call 988 and talk with someone. You can get help.

You have lived your whole life trying your best to be loved and wanted. You do everything you know to do to help the people you love, and you just want them to love you, too. You feel unlovable, though. You feel as if there is some part of you that is deeply flawed, broken beyond repair, and there is no hope for you.

You barely exist, getting up each day in the dark, fighting that black fog hovering over your very existence and trying to suffocate you slowly and painfully. You think you are the only one and that no one understands. You think it will never end and that there is no hope. You think you are beyond help and beyond being saved.

Strong emotions are not a sin. You aren't doing anything wrong by experiencing extreme emotions.

Where does depression come from?

The truth is, these feelings are as old as humanity itself. You can see it in the third chapter of the first book of the Bible. Genesis 3:8-19, they heard God coming and hid themselves because they had disappointed God. Does that sound like you? You struggle and sometimes literally think, "You are a disappointment," "You let everyone down," or "You can't do anything right." The thoughts are called "negative self-talk" and create a downward spiral that leads to the deep darkness of depression.

Depression found an opportunity to enter the world for the first time when human beings chose to distance themselves and betray the trust God placed in them. You are paying the price of that original betrayal. You are not just paying that price; you are also paying the price for the ongoing betrayal of those around you. You know the phrases, "All parents mess up," "No one is perfect," and "We all make mistakes." Depression's beginnings are found in the decisions of your ancestors, and you are paying the price.

The problem doesn't stop there; you've made your mistakes. Maybe you have decided to distance yourself from God. You may have made the decision that God doesn't exist and have completely shut Him out of your life. Regardless, depression has been in existence from the very earliest days of humanity, and the responsibility for your healing falls on you, even though you are carrying the consequences of chronic betrayal.

Why does it feel like no one else is like this?

You may not realize how common these feelings are; you just know how you feel and that sharing those feelings doesn't feel safe. Society has reached a point where it seems to me as if teenagers group themselves according to their mental health struggles. I have repeatedly seen them embrace mental illness with every expectation of lifelong difficulty. I believe mental illness has become an identity rather than a problem to grow from and to resolve. You may be having a similar struggle, thinking this is just who I am. Sadly, many people do believe there is no hope. You? You don't have to live life depressed. There is hope.

You may be thinking that you don't want to live that way. You want to find joy, peace, and contentment. Happiness is a temporary and fleeting emotion that comes with the excitement of new things. However, contentment, joy, and peace are lasting states of mind that ease the mood fluctuations of depression and other emotional difficulties.

You may think that there is nothing that can be done for your depression. That is not true. The work to make the changes necessary to ease your depression is not easy. Generally, you have to become so uncomfortable with your depression that the discomfort of remaining where you are is far worse than the discomfort of the work to heal. Do you feel like you are at your turning point? I believe you are ready to start healing. Otherwise, you wouldn't still be reading this.

What does the Bible say about depression?

There are several places depression is addressed in the Bible, and not one is met with condemnation. The Bible contains an entire book that is a lament; the name of it is Lamentations. The book, believed to be written by "the weeping prophet," Jeremiah, is wrought with all of the ills of the world and the hopelessness one finds in the world. The second verse of the book describes the feeling so very well; it says,

  She weeps bitterly in the night,
  And her tears are on her cheeks;
  She has none to comfort her
  Among all her lovers.
  All her friends have dealt treacherously with her;
  They have become her enemies. (Lamentations 1:2, NKJV)

You identify with this, the bitter weeping and the loneliness that fills the night, waking up in the morning after fitful sleep at best, feeling as if you have been discarded like a meaningless piece of trash.

Did Jesus ever feel what you feel?

Yes, He did. Hebrews 4:15 tells us that Jesus was tempted in every way we are. You might want to dismiss this and think He never felt that kind of sorrow. Strong emotions are not a sin. You aren't doing anything wrong by experiencing extreme emotions. Mark 14:34 says Jesus' sorrow was heavy enough to kill Him, and in the very next verse He asks the Father to remove "this cup" (Mark 14:36, ESV). For a moment He may not have wanted to do what He came to do. Jesus was crushed. He did what you are doing. He prayed for rescue. Then He told His friends how He felt. He asked them to sit with Him, but they fell asleep. He moved forward without the rescue. You aren't headed toward a voluntary cross, but I suspect that's how you feel.

Jesus understood the severity of His problem and the pain He would experience over the next few hours, but His disciples did not understand. Jesus understands the severity of your depression and that feeling of paying for everyone else's mistakes.

There are plenty of other examples of depression in the Bible. The book of Psalms is filled with the prayers of the depressed. Psalm 88 never resolves itself into hope either. It is the only psalm that does that. The writer is still alone in the dark at the end (Psalm 88). Do you know about Elijah? He had just won a life-threatening battle against the followers of Baal. He was exhausted.

Instead of feeling victorious, he wanted to die. Elijah made his way to the shade of a broom tree. He stopped there. Then, he literally asked to die. "It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life" (1 Kings 19:4, ESV). God didn't scold Elijah for how he felt. He told him to take a nap and then eat. He told him to nap again and then eat again. God sent an angel to bring him food. God told Elijah to rest first. It was in the quietness of the rest that God spoke. God spoke in "a low whisper" (1 Kings 19:12, ESV). Elijah looked for God in the noise, but found Him in the silence of rest. Elijah's strong emotions were not a sin. They were probably exhaustion.

Do you feel it? Exhaustion from a lifetime of trying to make other people happy. Some people believe that depression can be a result of spiritual things such as being oppressed by an evil entity Christians call a demon. The enemy wants to destroy the strong and the weak. His goal is to cripple your faith. Depression can be one of his many tactics. Maybe your depression has another cause. It doesn't change the fact that you feel it. It doesn't change the fact that you need relief from it and that you are ready for the type of rest that crushes depression. Most of the time, the source is difficult to find. Finding the solution is more important anyway, and that solution starts with rest. I can help you figure out what rest looks like for you.

What does the science actually say about depression?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Five Text Revision lists the criteria for calling someone's problem depression. The list does not include a single blood test, tissue sample, or any other specific biological marker for diagnosing depression. The science just isn't there, the diagnosis itself is an art. You want an excellent artist to help you. Therapists are taught to send clients to their primary care physician for a check-up to rule out a medical or chemical cause for their symptoms. Once the doctor has said there is no indication of any medical condition, but the symptoms are present, then depression should be diagnosed. Most prescribers will give you a medication and recommend therapy.

The diagnostic criteria for depression include:

• a depressed mood most of the day lasting more than two weeks
• a lack of interest or enjoyment in things one used to enjoy
• weight gain or weight loss when you are not trying
• difficulty with sleep, whether insomnia or sleeping too much (hypersomnia)
• Changes in physical movement other people notice, whether agitated (fidgety or can't be still) or moving and acting slower.
• fatigue or loss of energy every day or nearly every day
• feeling worthless or excessive feelings of guilt
• difficulty with concentration or indecisiveness
• recurrent thoughts of death different from fear of death, and even thoughts of suicide

Two things are required for the diagnosis. First, if you experience five or more of these symptoms in the same two-week period, you may be diagnosable. Second, at least one of them must be either a depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure. If you fit both of these, then you may be experiencing depression and need intervention from a professional.

There are questions to determine the severity and to rule out other problems, but the determining factors for diagnosing depression are very subjective and only have to "cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning" (American Psychiatric Association, 2022).

How is depression usually treated?

Most of the time, treatment for depression is a mixture of both art and science. Depression is treated with medication and talk therapy. Both are an art and not an exact science. Often, doctors and therapists will ask you to complete a screening tool and use the results of that tool, called the PHQ-9, to help decide if you should be diagnosed with depression. Once the provider has enough information and the diagnosis is made, treatment can begin.

I have learned a different and I believe better art for treating depression. Ironically, it is called Accelerated Resolution Therapy or ART. That is not to be confused with therapeutic drawing or painting. Accelerated Resolution Therapy is a low-talk, think-more, eye-movement therapy.

I like to tell people that I give you weird instructions and then help you move your eyes side to side while you follow those instructions. Your imagination and creativity lead the way for healing. Your mind knows what it needs, and together you and I can practice the ART of treating depression.

Typically, a provider with the ability to prescribe medication will begin searching for the correct medication for you. They will prescribe the medication they believe best treats the symptoms you are experiencing. Then, after a few weeks, they will check in, see if you are having side effects, and increase the dose or offer another medication. This is the beginning of the art of treating depression.

Many people, maybe even you, start to complain that they "feel like a guinea pig." You begin the never-ending cycle of trying to find the right medication for you and take it until it doesn't work anymore. Once it stops working, the search for a new medication will begin, and you are trapped in a lifelong cycle of taking medication riddled with side effects and lots of problems if you stop cold turkey.

Treating depression involves science, but requires the finesse of knowing when to give which medication. There is a time and a place for medication, and you may need it. Hopefully, you want to take as little as possible. If you decide to take less, always discuss any changes with your provider.

Therapists use evidence-based treatment skills they have learned, but every therapist has a unique way of applying those skills. Finding a therapist is not that difficult. You can, and I believe you should, find a therapist to talk with. They will embark on a journey to help you figure out the source of the depression. More importantly, they will work with you to help you feel better. You will talk about your emotions.

Your therapist should be the one who helps you finally feel as if you were heard. Once you feel heard, a therapist will help you learn what triggers the depressed feelings. The therapist will help you recognize warning signs and symptoms that the depression is getting worse. You will learn coping skills and self-care, and you will work hard to overcome the depression you feel.

Talk therapists rely on what are called evidence-based theories. We will take these theories and use specific techniques to help apply them to you and your situation. The irony is the most effective treatment we use is our relationship with you. That's right, one of the most important deciding factors in your improvement is your relationship with your therapist, not the techniques or theories used. You will get the best results if you have a positive relationship with your therapist. If you want to know what that actually looks like, I wrote about it in What To Expect From Therapy.

Several clients have told me that they never expected to laugh in their therapy session. Laughter, though, is good medicine and does help you feel better. I'm sure there are scientific studies, but I like the Proverbs quote myself. "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (Proverbs 17:22, ESV).

Laughter is a very good thing. You are tired of your crushed spirit. It's time to get help.

Therapists have an ethical line that we cannot have a relationship with our clients outside the therapy room. That rule is for your protection. That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel as if you have some things in common with your therapist. You should. It's ok to feel as if you could be friends with your therapist. Just know, you can't.

Can depression actually be healed?

You wonder about healing, though. You don't want to spend your life battling depression, or any other mental illness for that matter. You want to heal and never have to think about it again. Earlier paragraphs of this post mention the root causes of your depression. You may recall humanity's general betrayal of God, the offenses of the people around you who have hurt you, and, of course, your own mistakes.

There is hope. Healing is a big promise, and only God can do that. You can get better. I use ART. It is evidence-based. It decreased the depression associated with PTSD (Kip et al., 2013). I have also seen it work for most of my clients. The efficacy appears to me to be tied to motivation. There are three criteria for this to work: you have to want to heal, you have to be able to hold a thought, and you have to be able to move your eyes from side to side.

Many psychotherapists choose not to use this technique because it often takes more time than your allotted fifty-minute session. Sometimes, it takes ninety minutes, but that is rare. With ART, you feel better fast, most of the time within just a few sessions. The benefit to you for that is that, because people get better faster, an ART therapist most likely will have an opening soon. Some therapists keep the same clients for years, and I have clients I have been seeing for years. Accelerated Resolution Therapy is not perfect, and it sometimes feels miraculous, but it doesn't heal everything every time. Still, in my opinion, ART is the best option we have and well worth the effort.

Get help today

I am Vickie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Maryville, TN, and I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities heal from their trauma and the bad stuff that happens. If you are looking for fast, effective treatment for your depression, then contact me. You can click the link and schedule a free consult, and that is the easiest way to get a good conversation with me. You can call me or text me, and I would love to help you.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if I am depressed or just sad?

Two things are required for the diagnosis. You need five or more symptoms in the same two-week period, and at least one of them has to be a depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure. There is no blood test, no tissue sample, and no biological marker for depression, so a real person has to look at you and make the call.

Is depression a spiritual problem or a medical one?

Most of the time, the source is difficult to find. There are no definitive medical tests for depression. The diagnosis is subjective and is made after ruling out other causes. Once other causes are ruled out, you and your provider decide if you meet criteria for the diagnosis. Finding the solution is more important anyway. There are several places depression is addressed in the Bible, and not one is met with condemnation. Strong emotions are not a sin.

How long does Accelerated Resolution Therapy take?

Most of the time you feel better within just a few sessions. Sessions are usually fifty minutes. Sometimes it takes ninety minutes, but that is rare. Three things have to be true for it to work: you have to want to heal, you have to be able to hold a thought, and you have to be able to move your eyes from side to side.

How do I find a therapist for depression near Knoxville or Maryville, TN?

Start by asking whether the therapist has training in something that treats depression directly, not just talks about it. You can verify any Tennessee therapist's license through the state before you book. If you are near Maryville or Knoxville, I would be glad to talk with you.

Crisis Resources

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

About the Author

All clinical content on this website is written or reviewed by Vickie Starkey, LMFT, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Tennessee since 2005 (License #579). Vickie holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology from Carson-Newman College (1989) and a Master of Divinity in Psychology and Counseling from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (1995), and is a Certified Master ART Practitioner since 2023. This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. Verify my license here: https://internet.health.tn.gov/Licensure/

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

English Standard Version Bible. (2001). Crossway Bibles.

Kip, K. E., Rosenzweig, L., Hernandez, D. F., Shuman, A., Sullivan, K. L., Long, C. J., Taylor, J., McGhee, S., Girling, S. A., Wittenberg, T., Sahebzamani, F. M., Lengacher, C. A., Kadel, R., & Diamond, D. M. (2013). Randomized controlled trial of accelerated resolution therapy (ART) for symptoms of combat-related post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Military Medicine, 178(12), 1298-1309. https://doi.org/10.7205/MILMED-D-13-00298

New King James Version Bible. (1982). Thomas Nelson.

Scripture cited:

• Genesis 3:8-19 (ESV)
• 1 Kings 19:4 (ESV)
• 1 Kings 19:12 (ESV)
• Psalm 88
• Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)
• Lamentations 1:2 (NKJV)
• Mark 14:34 (ESV)
• Mark 14:36 (ESV)
• Hebrews 4:15 (ESV)