Yes, we all need therapy. The bigger question is: when do I need therapy? You get to decide that part. You need help and support. Therapists offer that. Did you know, even therapists need a therapist sometimes? I have taken advantage of the support of a therapist more than once myself. Finding objective support is not easy, even for me as a therapist.

The people who love you want you to feel better. They mean well, but are more interested in your emotions than what is best for you. Many of us do that to the people we love. Those who are using you have their own agenda, and that may not be what is best for you either. You need a safe place to share your feelings and to think through your problems, where you will be told the truth in a loving and kind way.

You need someone who doesn't stand to lose or gain anything from your progress. You need to understand yourself and what you need. You are far less likely to succeed without wise counsel from someone who has more life experience or expertise in certain areas. The Bible supports it: "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety" (Proverbs 11:14, ESV). I cover how to choose a therapist in another post; you can read it here.

Do you need therapy if nothing is really wrong?

Therapy definitely can help. You may be going through a difficult season in life. Simple problems, such as making major life decisions about moving, job change, school attendance, and other transitions, are a reason to see a therapist. You need to think through your options in a safe, nonjudgmental environment where the goal is your best interest.

Many times, family and friends want what is best for you, but emotions and expectations can get in the way of sound decision-making. I think of the young man desperate to please his mother, so he chooses the career path she wants for him, rather than the career path that is best for him. Those decisions are difficult, life-changing, and are of utmost importance. You need objective input.

Do you need a diagnosis to go to therapy?

You don't need a mental health diagnosis to need help. You just need to want to be a little better tomorrow than you are today or were yesterday. Maybe you want to continue to grow as a person. You can accomplish this in therapy. Lifelong learning and growth are imperative to living successfully.

Followers of Jesus often talk about something called sanctification, the process of being made more like Christ, being better tomorrow than yesterday. For Christians, this sanctification is a lifelong journey of becoming better. Sanctification is the process of the Holy Spirit intervening and making us better. We rely on God to help us stop worrying or to decrease our anger and any other life problem we may have. A Christian therapist can use Scripture to help you with sanctification.

People who are not Christians can have relief from their problems also. You have to do the work yourself, and it isn't always easy. You need someone to help you understand who you are and what you need. Change can be good or bad. You want to change in a way that makes you better. Changing well is impossible if you don't know what to change or how to change it. A therapist can help you see things you otherwise might not. This understanding of yourself helps you make better decisions.

The right therapist can help you move forward. You don't have to be a follower of Jesus to want to be better tomorrow than you were yesterday. Maybe you want to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Therapy can help you understand yourself better. It can also help you understand the world around you and how you fit into it. I think of the movie, Runaway Bride. She ran from a number of weddings until she met a man determined to help her understand herself. You don't need a bunch of broken engagements and paid-for failed weddings. Talk to a therapist, save some money.

What if you are at the end of your rope?

Maybe you are reading this and thinking something like: "That's nothing, I'm at the end of my rope." You definitely need therapy. You need someone who can listen. I think of when my clients' shoulders drop in relief, and they say something like "For the first time, I feel heard." You need to be heard. You need to know that someone cares and is listening, regardless of who the listener is. Feeling as if you are done, or just can't go on is more than a clear signal that you need help, it is a desperate scream for something to change. You can find hope for that change in therapy.

Do I have a mental illness?

I believe every one of us has problems that fit into a category the medical world calls mental illness. That doesn't necessarily mean you are mentally ill. The terms mentally ill or mental illness have become buzz words for making fun of people. They are also terms used in the medical field to satisfy insurance so it will pay for therapy. We know that life events affect your emotions and even your brain. Doctors treat it by practicing the art of medicine, trying different medicines until they find the one that works. Many times, not always, managing your emotions and dealing with the bad stuff that happens also changes your mood. The work is harder and takes longer. My hope is that this work supports whatever you and your doctor decide about medication.

Even if your provider gives you a diagnosis that labels you with a mental illness, it doesn't have to mean much. Think about the conversations you have had with people about COVID. Some will tell you they don't think they ever had it. Others will tell you they got a mild case. Still, some will talk about something called long COVID and that their lives are changed forever, and most of us know of someone who lost their life to the illness. Mental illness is much the same. We all have traits. None of us are perfect. The question is more about how bad it is rather than the label mentally ill.

When do you need help right now?

There are times when getting help immediately is imperative. I've already told you that everyone can benefit from therapy at different times in their lives. I mentioned being done and at the end of your rope earlier. There is a dangerous level of that. You may be thinking you are done and would be better off dead. You may be thinking you are at the end of your rope and just want to end it all. You need help immediately. Many times you have to wait days or weeks to see a talk therapist. You can't wait, and you need to exercise other options. If you are feeling that way, you should call 988, 911, or go to the nearest emergency room. Knoxville has a Crisis Stabilization Unit you can ask about when you call 988.

So, do you need therapy?

Yes, we all need therapy. Do you need therapy right now? Is it an emergency? Do you need to talk with someone about feeling like you are done or at the end of your rope? Do you need help making a major decision? Maybe you are ok for now, but life happens, and you will need help. If you are feeling like you need to die, though, it is an emergency. There are resources to help you, even if you don't have insurance.

You get to decide when you need therapy and who you see. If the letters after our names leave you guessing, I break them down in another post. I have a Biblical worldview and my conversation with you reflects that bias. If you are looking for someone who tries to maintain the principles of the Bible, then I may be who you are looking for.

I am Vickie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Maryville, TN, and I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities heal from their trauma and the bad stuff that happens. I can help you. Click the link at the top of the page so we can talk.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much does therapy cost if I don't have insurance? It can cost less than you think. There are options at every budget. Many therapists keep a few sliding-scale spots, and community agencies around Knoxville and Maryville offer low-cost or free counseling. Ask about cost on your first call; a good therapist will not be offended by the question. I charge around $200 per session, and that may sound expensive at first, but in my experience, we can often resolve what brought you in within a handful of sessions using Accelerated Resolution Therapy. That would cost about $1000. Your peace of mind is worth that.

How do I know if I need therapy or medication? Only you and your doctor can decide if you need medication. You may need one, the other, or both. We can talk about your symptoms and help you make a list of questions to ask your doctor. Therapy is where you come to understand what you are feeling and why. Some people start with therapy and find they need less medication, and others need medication to get steady enough to do the work.

Can therapy help if I'm not religious? Yes. Therapy helps people of every faith and no faith, because understanding yourself and making better decisions does not require you to believe what I believe. I have a Biblical worldview and I am honest about it. I treat everyone who walks through my door with respect, and you get to decide what part faith plays in your care.

Clinical Content Disclaimer

All clinical content on this website is written or reviewed by Vickie Starkey, LMFT, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Tennessee since 2005 (License #579). Vickie holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology from Carson-Newman College (1989) and a Master of Divinity in Psychology and Counseling from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (1995), and is a Certified Master ART Practitioner since 2023. This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. Verify my license here: https://internet.health.tn.gov/Licensure/

Crisis Resource

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

References

English Standard Version Bible. (2001). Crossway Bibles.