This time of year or that time of year?
You know the phrase. Is it “this time of year,” or is it “THAT time of year?” With no audio, you can still hear it in the tone of the words. Two tiny letters of the alphabet, and the entire mood changes. How quickly our moods can change. My family talks openly about “the fall‑break‑athon.”
When the holidays break everything
Every year around Thanksgiving, something big breaks. One year, several things broke all within a couple of weeks: the drain on the kitchen sink fell apart, the dryer had to be replaced, the refrigerator had to be replaced, and the water heater went out. The repair guy felt so sorry for us by the end that he didn’t charge the last service fee for just showing up to tell us to buy a new dryer. That was some thirty years ago, but as I sit here writing this blog today—less than a week to Thanksgiving—I called my brother and asked him to help with two major household‑repair chores when he gets here for our annual celebration. Still, that’s not the “that time of year”; I’m talking about something else.
The shadow of loss that follows the light
You know it—the sky is dark and rainy, and all you can think about is the loved one who isn’t here. You close your eyes and are transported to the moment you got the news. Maybe the sun is shining, it is unusually warm, but still, all you can think about is that phone call or that awful event. The thing is, this time of year doesn’t have to be that time of year. You can heal.
Memories that turn holidays into nightmares
Maybe your memory isn’t of a lost loved one; maybe holidays were nightmares in your home. That time of year when the world seems to be celebrating but you are dying inside, wishing you could get rid of the images of those horrible days when nothing good ever happened and all you knew to do as a child was hide. You too can get relief from those awful images and memories haunting you at that time of year.
Despair vs. healing
I get it. You think healing is not possible and that life will never be what you want. Sometimes the memories are of historic childhood events that you just can’t shake. You don’t just close your eyes and see that little girl or boy struggling and alone in the middle of the night. That young child you remember may have been terrified, but still thought what was happening was normal.
From despair to healing: my tool
I can’t tell you how many times someone has sat in my office and melted with tears as they told me of the loss of a loved one or a tragic event that changed their lives forever. Until about three years ago, the only thing I could do was listen and offer improved insight, recognition of warning signs, triggers, and relentlessly pursue coping skills as we worked to turn that time of year into this time of year. Now I have a better tool. That tool, developed by Laney Rosenzweig, is called Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). It feels like a miraculous change. I use a hitch‑alignment tool—an expandable metal stick with a ball on the end—to help people move their eyes. I give you unusual instructions and you decide what changes you want to make. The ball on the stick has been called many things, including a miracle ball and a blessing ball. I have found ART to be a highly effective, evidence‑based treatment for complicated grief, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and related conditions. I frequently tell people, “You did the work; I just waved a ball in front of your face and said weird stuff.”
Seeing the change in real time
I admit, I get a rush when I see your body relax and years drop from your face as you let go of the death‑grip pain that has held you. Schedule an appointment, let me help.
I am Vickie, a therapist in Maryville, TN
I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities find a counselor, heal from their trauma, and adverse life experiences. TN License Number 579. Verify my license here: https://www.tn.gov/health/health-program-areas/health-professional-boards/pcmft-board.html
I can help you. Click the link at the top of the page and schedule a time so we can talk.
CITATIONS
Miller, R. J., et al. (2022). Accelerated Resolution Therapy for PTSD: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 35(4), 456‑466. DOI:10.1002/jts.22789.
American Psychological Association. (2023). Guidelines for the Treatment of Trauma‑Related Disorders. APA Publishing.https://www.focusonthefamily.com/grief‑and‑faith
Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. (2024). Biblical Approaches to Healing Emotional Pain. https://www.ccef.org/biblical‑healing
National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Seasonal Affective Disorder and Holiday‑Related Mood Changes. NIMH Fact Sheet.
Everlywell Blog. (2023). 22 Holiday Stress Statistics + Tips to Survive the Festivities. https://www.everlywell.com/blog/sleep-and-stress/holiday-stress-statistics/
APA Holiday Stress Survey. (2023). 41 % of adults reported elevated stress during the holidays.