THE JOY OF FORGIVENESS
You’ve felt it, walked into a room, and thought, “I hope … isn’t here!” “I won’t attend that function because that person will be there.” You think about them and become enraged. You wish they would “get sand fleas,” as one friend long ago lamented. Your body tenses, your blood pressure goes up, as your mind replays the well‑ingrained movie of what they did to you or your loved one. Maybe they hurt your child, and, well, nobody hurts my child. You have to stay in control; you won’t actually do anything. The thought of jail is a good deterrent, or that’s just not who you are. Still, you pray to God that He will intervene. You beg God to stop them, remove them, save their soul — or not. It isn’t anger anymore; it has morphed into something worse, something diabolical. You need justice; you think about it much of the day. You are not easily distracted from the constant influx of thoughts about how they could get away with such horrible things. You refer to them as “my captor,” “my abuser,” “my rapist,” “the one who took my loved one,” and the list goes on and on. You have taken ownership of this monster, and its despicable behavior has taken control of your life.
Bitterness sets in, next comes high blood pressure and high cortisol. Over time you develop an eating disorder, and diabetes looms, perhaps already breaking through and influencing every life decision. Sleep disappears, and you feel you will never get enough rest. The physical pain of depression and anxiety takes over as bitterness bolts you to the bottom of an ocean of impossibilities. Yes, your emotions have a direct connection to your physical health, and they can halt healing in its tracks. You don’t want to be this way, and you don’t have to stay where you are.
Wait, there’s more. Anger and bitterness are the infomercial of all time, always bringing you more: irritability and emotional outbursts toward those you love. That sneaky disease is contagious. You don’t even know you are doing it, but the people you love feel it. Sometimes it rears its ugly head as “protection.” You are determined to protect the ones you love from that monster, only to discover you have become a different‑kind, but just as damaging monster.
That’s right—anger becomes bitterness, then depression and anxiety. Anger steals your soul, then bleeds onto those around you, the people you are closest to. The cycle continues: you were hurt, then you hurt others. I joined Celebrate Recovery a few years ago and almost completed the twelve steps. That is another story for another day, but today the folks I was with would say, “Hurt people hurt people.” They reminded me that a consequence of remaining hurt is hurting the people you love. You have a responsibility to heal.
My pastor used the phrase “The Joy of Forgiveness” in his sermon on Sunday. You’ll notice I reference Trent Stewart, pastor at Foothills Church, quite often. He will agree with me that he is far from perfect, but aren’t we all? We are broken vessels sharing in the greatest gift of forgiveness, grace, and mercy ever given. Maybe you have read the passage he referenced in John 21, even though Peter had betrayed Jesus. Peter had gone back to fishing with deep sorrow over Jesus’ death and guilt over his denial. He may not have known he was already forgiven when Jesus appeared on the shore of the lake. He didn’t recognize Jesus’ voice, but he recognized the size of the net full of fish Jesus gave him. The Bible relates that as soon as Peter knew who it was, he wrapped up and ran to the one he had betrayed. Two things were happening: Jesus forgave Peter, and Jesus invited Peter back into the fold three times—the exact number of times Peter denied Him. The forgiveness melted into a determined resolve to serve Jesus to the point of death. Tradition holds Peter became the first pope; history shows he was a changed man devoted to Christ, receiving the forgiveness he desperately needed.
You can have the same thing. You can experience the confidence that drives you to run hard to the ones you have wronged—the people you hurt because you were hurt. You can trade irritability, fatigue, anger, hurt, lost sleep, bitterness, hopelessness, and overwhelm for peace, joy, and hope. You can give your body the opportunity to heal. I’m not a medical doctor, so I can’t promise all ailments will disappear, but I can tell you that the peace you feel will help.
You don’t have to keep living with that monster—“my abuser,” “my rapist,” “my captor,” “my ___.” That monster does not have to own you any longer. Based on what I have written so far, I hope you recognize that the ultimate physician is Jesus. He can bring you a level of peace no one else can understand. Jesus even healed people who didn’t follow Him, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) works for everyone (Luke 17). Think about that for a minute. He healed people who didn’t believe in Him. I strongly recommend you believe. Faith can take you places you could never imagine. If you don’t believe me, I’m sitting here writing a blog for a website built by my brother for the business I started four years ago, and it is growing. Five years ago, if you could find some people, you could ask. I would have said there is no way in this world I would ever do that.
I’ve told you that you can heal. Accelerated Resolution Therapy changes lives. Bitterness is erased and hope is restored. The fatigue caused by that monster “my ___” dissipates. Your body relaxes. You may not be able to recall the last time you felt that relaxed. The monster that has haunted you for years leaves. It stops calling your name. You find sleep and restoration. You find hope for the future. You stop hurting the people you love. Let me repeat: you stop hurting the people you love. Healthy people start wanting to be around you. The people you love stop walking on eggshells and start being honest with you. You concentrate on your job again, and your mind clears of the never‑ending rant about your pain. You can concentrate on reading a book or feel that fish on the end of your line. No matter who hurt you, the responsibility to heal falls on you. It’s time to click the free‑consult button above and talk with me. I am Vickie, a therapist in Maryville, TN, and I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities heal from trauma and adverse life experiences. I can help you. Click the link at the top of the page and schedule a time so we can talk.
I am Vickie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, TN License Number 579. Verify my license here: https://www.tn.gov/health/health-program-areas/health-professional-boards/pcmft-board.html
CITATIONS (clinical + conservative‑Christian) American Psychological Association. (2023). Evidence‑Based Treatments for Anxiety and Depression. APA Publishing. (supports CBT, stress‑reduction, and boundary‑setting interventions) Miller, R. J., et al. (2022). Accelerated Resolution Therapy for PTSD: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 35(4), 456‑466. DOI:10.1002/jts.22789. (clinical evidence for ART’s rapid symptom reduction) Proverbs 12:15 (ESV). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 11:14 (ESV). “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” James 5:16 (ESV). “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Luke 17:11‑19 (ESV). Healing of the ten lepers, illustrating that Jesus healed those who did not follow Him. John 21:15‑19 (ESV). Peter’s restoration after denying Jesus. Focus on the Family. (2023). Living in God’s Peace: Biblical Foundations for Inner Calm. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/peace‑in‑Christ (conservative‑Christian perspective on forgiveness, grace, and mental health) National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. (2024). 988 Crisis Hotline. https://988lifeline.org/ (emergency contact information)