You think of yourself as the rock of your family. You see yourself being there, serving them, giving everything you have for them. You exhaust yourself doing everything you can to make them succeed. Every waking thought and even your dreams are about how you can help your loved ones. You are not just afraid they will fail; you are terrified for them. You can’t imagine your own failure or that you would ever let them down. You have to stand strong. You have to stand firm, and you can’t tolerate the thought of watching them hurt. You would do anything to make sure they succeed. You are willing to do whatever it takes to make sure everyone you love has the opportunity to succeed.
You do all of these things, everything you can, and you find yourself overwhelmed and exhausted. You realized that you are failing. They need more than you can ever give. You feel a certain amount of pride over your willingness to sacrifice. You know and believe that no one can love them as much as you do. You want desperately to help, to make their lives better, but you end up flat on your back, depressed, feeling hopeless, with no energy, maybe even feeling nothing, except failure. Your loved one may even get upset with you for constantly trying to fix them or make them better. Only to complain that you are making them worse. There is hope, and there is a way to get back up.
THERE IS HOPE!
You know that your heart is pure and your motive is deep concern for the people you love. You know, there must be a way for you to make a positive difference in their lives without ending up feeling half dead. There is, there is a way you can care for your loved ones. There is a way for you to care for your loved ones and be energized yourself. There is a way to feel whole, useful, and impactful toward the people you love. Your struggle is not in vain, but for now, you just don’t know where to turn. You may not have all of the answers, but you don’t have to give up and stop trying. You need to recognize what is happening to you and what to do about it.
You feel that spiral downward, and you think it will never stop. You feel numb and angry at the same time. You feel depressed, as if there is a darkness surrounding you and no hope of ever seeing the light. You are running on a failing autopilot system, and you are going to land at rock bottom fast and hard. You feel like you have been sifted, turned over to the enemy, and forgotten about by God. Maybe your faith teaches you that God doesn’t forget you, but He gets quiet. You feel as if your world has shifted, become dark and silent, and you are alone in a den of lions, ready to be eaten alive. Followers of Jesus sometimes need to be reminded of Luke 22:31: “ Simon, Simon, satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat.” Sometimes you need to be reminded of Job 1:1-12, where satan asked to prove Job unfaithful as well. Maybe you are reading this and are not a follower of Jesus, the Bible addresses that as well, 1 Peter 5:8 says, “ Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” Regardless of your belief, you feel like you have become satan's lunch. You have been sifted.
THE SIFTING
Thinking about being sifted may remind you of your mom making a cake when you were a kid, or maybe you use the sifter yourself. You want the finest grains of flour and sugar, so you violently shake them through a sifter until they are torn apart, light, and fluffy. The clumps are no longer intact. Maybe you feel as if you are no longer intact. You have been tested, you have been “put through the wringer” as an older person might say. Maybe fear and anxiety have taken hold with a death grip. Sleep is a distant memory, and your mind just won’t shut up. Hope has gone, and the people you love are falling apart or running away from you. You feel the darkness welling up and taking up residence all around you. You were sifted, and all you see is that you failed. Don’t misunderstand, your faith is still intact, even for you who know about Jesus but don’t follow. You don’t understand, you just know you are in pieces. Remember, though, the purpose of sifting the flour is to separate the useful and good from the bad. You remember, there are clumps left in the sifter, the parts that are bad and need to be thrown out. The good gets through, and the parts that could be made good and useful are made good and useful. You or whoever you watched look for the clumps that can be separated, and you roll them around until they fall apart and drop through the sifter. You discard what remains. Does this sound familiar? You are lying in a messy heap, not sure what has happened, wondering what will ever become of you. The rest of the story is just getting started.
THE REST OF THE STORY
Your failure doesn’t have to be final! Your sifting doesn’t have to be the end of you! Have you read the rest of the story? Job’s faith remained intact, while he yelled at God about his plight. Afterward, he understood God better, was a more faithful follower, and God blessed him. Peter, Oh, sweet Peter, if you’ve read the story, you know Peter messed up. He failed the test and denied Jesus. He was heartbroken the moment he realized he had done exactly what Jesus told him he would do. You know the feeling, you understand, and the four paragraphs above summarize it. Peter was restored, and Peter became a great hero of the faith. You have been sifted to be put back together even stronger, even better, even more hopeful, and even more useful for the kingdom of God. God wants to use you to help the people you love. He wants you to be the servant who does His bidding, thus allowing your loved ones to benefit from their own sifting. God wants to put you back together; let Him. Come see me and let’s talk more about it. I am Vickie, a counselor/therapist in Maryville, TN, and there is a road to redemption and restoration. We can walk it together.
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love, He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing