You know you need help, you aren’t sure you are going to make it another day if you don’t do something. Your world is falling apart, and you just don’t know where to turn. Someone has suggested therapy, talk to someone, anyone. How do you choose? We live in a world where psychotherapists’ schedules are full, many don’t take insurance, and the sessions are expensive. Maybe your insurance gave you some names of a few who do take your insurance. How do you narrow it down to the right fit for you?
Understanding The Importance of Therapist-Client Relationship
Research tells us that the number one determinant of successful treatment in psychotherapy, mental health therapy, or talk therapy is your relationship with your therapist. That’s right, while you want to work with someone qualified, their credentials are not the most important. I will define credentials in another post; it refers to what they have done to earn the list of letters after their name.
Now, I bet you are wondering what I mean when I say your relationship with your therapist is more important than anything else as you work together. Well, if you don’t trust the person you are talking with, how much are you going to share? I want to provide you with some questions to ask to help you muddle through the mess.
Questions To Ask A Potential Therapist
Will we be a good fit? While this is not the first question you ask a potential therapist, it is the question you need to be asking yourself as you talk with that person. Currently, I do not allow cold scheduling of initial appointments on my website. You cannot schedule without talking with me first. I offer a free fifteen-minute consultation to provide an opportunity to determine if we think we can work together. Occasionally, you may need someone other than me, and that is OK. Once we talk, I will schedule your first appointment, establish an online portal for you, and send you the initial intake paperwork so we can get down to business as soon as you walk through the door.
Are you qualified to treat my condition? This probably should be one of the first things you ask. While a therapist’s education offers a lot of well-rounded general information, we can’t specialize in everything. We can’t treat everything, and we should not try. Just as medical doctors specialize in one or two areas, we do the same thing. While my education prepared me to work with young children, my career has taken a different path. I haven’t worked with young children ever. You don’t want me to engage in play therapy with your five-year-old. I also don’t have much experience with couples and should not take on that responsibility, even though my education says I can. However, if you are an adult with a mood disorder such as anxiety and/or depression, then you want me. You especially want me if you have experienced trauma and are beside yourself with what to do because you can’t function. You also want me if you are crawling around in the dark because you spend so much of your life trying to please other people, you can’t breathe anymore, and you think you are going to die if something doesn’t change. You can click the button above to schedule that free consult.
What type of therapy do you recommend for me and why? Be careful with this question. The therapist likely will fall into a bunch of psycho-babble that makes no sense. There are many treatment models. I heard someone say the other day that there are about eight hundred of them. I believe there are as many treatment models as there are therapists. None of us can be true to one pure model, even though most of us try. Break this question down, ask for explanations and definitions of words, sometimes, even if you think you know what they mean. I will give you a couple of examples. When you ask me that question, I am going to tell you that I prefer Accelerated Resolution Therapy. You know all three of those words; you speak English—well, unless this was translated by someone besides me. Still, you have no earthly idea of what I just wrote. When I go on to explain that it means I use bilateral stimulation with a mixture of Gestalt techniques as well as voluntary image replacement, and on and on. Don’t shut me down just yet. Keep asking until I tell you that with Accelerated Resolution Therapy, I have you move your eyes side to side in short sets and follow my instructions. I don’t need to know everything you are thinking or everything that happened. If you give me an outline, then we can use eye movements to access the back of your mind and help your brain let go of the hurt. Keep asking the questions until you are satisfied with the answer.
What is your approach to therapy? For example, are you more directive with people, or do you wait to let them figure things out? Some people don’t like to have someone say things directly to them, and others prefer to hear things flat out. I responded to a client with the phrase, “So, you are a functional alcoholic?” She didn’t like hearing that and laughed it off. This wasn’t one of my better therapist moments. It is an example, though, of how I tend to shoot straight with people and call them on things. You may not be wired to hear things that way. You may prefer someone who talks around the topic until you decide that for yourself. You will want to know what to expect because if you prefer one way over the other, then you and that therapist may not be a good fit.
What is your worldview?
Most therapists will tell you that their worldview doesn’t matter; the approach to therapy is from your perspective and your worldview. This question truly is not an issue for most people. However, there are some of us for whom it matters. I try to look at the world from the perspective of the Bible and what it says. I am far from perfect, and I get that belief about myself from the Bible. I don’t want to say I come from a Christian worldview because I struggle with American Christianity and how it doesn’t always appear to me to be consistent with the Bible. I don’t quarrel with those other therapists; I just disagree with many of the things they will tell you as a client. I don’t believe I have the authority to affirm, justify, condone, or condemn anyone. I will not do that. Instead, I will treat everyone who walks through my door with the utmost respect and compassion.
Final Thoughts: Prioritizing The Therapeutic Relationship
These are just a few questions to think about asking a therapist you are considering seeing. Remember, the most important question you ask yourself throughout the interview is, “Are we a good fit?” I use an outcome measure called My Outcomes. I use it at the beginning of the session to track how you have been doing through the week and see if you are improving. I use it at the end of the session to help determine the quality of the session and look for ways I can work to improve your outcomes. I am finding that this helps preserve our relationship by providing you with an opportunity after each session to assess if I am meeting your needs, because in therapy, the relationship is everything. I am Vickie, a therapist in Maryville, TN, and I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities heal from their trauma and adverse life experiences. I can help you. Click the link at the top of the page and schedule an appointment so we can talk.