Do you ever get aggravated with yourself, you know, when you've made your third or fourth trip back into the house to get the things you can't remember to take with you? You know what I mean: an individual trip for your wallet, then for your phone, forgot the keys, might need a jacket, and the list goes on. What about that constant reminder that you annoy the snot out of everyone? "Please be quiet, go sit down." "You're interrupting." "Why can't you sit still for just a minute?" It feels like you are always in the way and unwanted.

What about the thoughts, those debilitating thoughts: "I can't remember anything." "I am useless." "I can't finish anything." "I'm stupid." "I will never amount to anything." This list seems endless. You feel like a freak. You feel like you don't belong, and no one could ever love you. Your failures outweigh your hopes 100 to 1. You rarely hear instructions the way everyone else does, so you get the assignment wrong or at least give it a new twist.

Is your ADHD really a superpower?

People tell you that you have potential. They say that you are smart if you would just apply yourself. You think some version of, "I'm doing my best, and it will never be good enough." You may be even more creative and quicker-thinking than they are giving you credit for. You may have a superpower that creates calm in a storm.

That's right, you have a superpower, and the world doesn't see it. You thrive on adventure, and crisis calms you. You see patterns before other people; that's why you spoil the movie by telling people what is happening next. You can't remember someone's name, but you can remember every detail of the deep conversation you had three years ago.

Many children are on the receiving end of the diagnosis of ADHD, but some adults covered their symptoms as children. You compensated by working hard to please the people around you and to pretend that nothing was wrong. You hid your overactive mind by looking your teacher in the eye, but never hearing a word of the lecture. You didn't figure out there was a problem until adult life became impossible.

What are the symptoms of ADHD?

Self-diagnosis is unwise; however, sometimes there is prudence in allowing yourself to consider the symptoms and whether you experience them. Below is a quick list of ADHD symptoms to consider. This is not a diagnosis, just a starting point:

If several of these have followed you since childhood and show up in more than one part of your life, it may be worth talking with a professional.

How do you live with it?

Maybe you identify with some of those symptoms, but not all of them. You may have traits of ADHD where some of the criteria fit you, but some do not. That doesn't mean you aren't struggling. Adults lose jobs because of these traits. Many times, adults try to medicate themselves. Therapists call it self-medicating, typically with caffeine or other over-the-counter stimulants, but sometimes you might medicate the pain from the feelings of rejection with alcohol or other drugs. You don't have to keep living like that.

There is hope; you can take that superpower that the world calls a disorder and create a wonderful life for yourself. Those changes are not as difficult as they used to be.

You already do things to compensate. You make a pile of things and put it under your keys so you can remember to take all of your stuff; you can't go anywhere without your keys. You write on your hands, or maybe even other body parts, so you can remember. You set alarms and timers. You sit and study with the smart people, not because you are smart, but because they will shush you when you start talking. You can't explain it, but the work is easier if someone else is in the room. You listen to music or other background noise to tune it out so you can concentrate on what you are doing. You carry a fidget object into church with you so you don't squirm too much during the sermon. This list is as unique as the person managing the struggle. These things, though, all require you to remember to do them. That is the problem; if only your short-term memory worked.

Can Accelerated Resolution Therapy help?

There are things Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) can do to help. The eye-movement therapy developed for trauma has many other uses, and one of them is helping people with ADHD process the emotional overwhelm and frustration that so often come with it. As the mind builds new pathways, many people find it easier to focus, filter their thoughts, and prioritize tasks. ART does not promise a cure, but it can help you use the uniqueness of your brain to move toward success instead of chronic feelings of failure. Reframed thoughts and new insights build better coping skills.

There are other treatments for ADHD, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and, of course, medication. For some people, especially children, cutting ultra-processed foods and artificial food dyes eases their symptoms. Small changes can help you find confidence and hope, to capitalize on your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.

There is hope, and you can get better. We can work together to help you become the best version of yourself. I am Vickie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Maryville, TN, and I help people from Knoxville and the surrounding communities turn ADHD from a source of chronic frustration into a strength they can use. Click the link and schedule a free consultation so we can talk.

##CRISIS LINE

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, help is available right now. Call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time, or call 911 in an emergency.

##ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Vickie Starkey is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Maryville, Tennessee (TN License #579, licensed since 2005) and a Certified Master ART Practitioner since 2023. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology from Carson-Newman College (1989) and a Master of Divinity in Psychology and Counseling from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (1995). You can verify her license at https://internet.health.tn.gov/Licensure/

This post is for information and encouragement. It is not a substitute for professional mental health care or a therapeutic relationship.