THIS TIME OF YEAR OR THAT TIME OF YEAR?

YOU KNOW THE PHRASE. IS IT “THIS TIME OF YEAR,” OR IS IT “THAT TIME OF YEAR?” WITH NO AUDIO, YOU CAN STILL HEAR IT IN THE TONE OF THE WORDS. TWO TINY LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET, AND THE ENTIRE MOOD CHANGES. HOW QUICKLY OUR MOODS CAN CHANGE. MY FAMILY TALKS OPENLY ABOUT “THE FALL‑BREAK‑ATHON.”

WHEN THE HOLIDAYS BREAK EVERYTHING

EVERY YEAR AROUND THANKSGIVING, SOMETHING BIG BREAKS. ONE YEAR, SEVERAL THINGS BROKE ALL WITHIN A COUPLE OF WEEKS: THE DRAIN ON THE KITCHEN SINK FELL APART, THE DRYER HAD TO BE REPLACED, THE REFRIGERATOR HAD TO BE REPLACED, AND THE WATER HEATER WENT OUT. THE REPAIR GUY FELT SO SORRY FOR US BY THE END THAT HE DIDN’T CHARGE THAT LAST SERVICE FEE FOR JUST SHOWING UP TO TELL US TO BUY A NEW DRYER. THAT WAS SOME THIRTY YEARS AGO, BUT AS I SIT HERE WRITING THIS BLOG TODAY, LESS THAN A WEEK TO THANKSGIVING, I CALLED MY BROTHER AND ASKED HIM TO HELP WITH TWO MAJOR HOUSEHOLD‑REPAIR CHORES WHEN HE GETS HERE FOR OUR ANNUAL CELEBRATION. STILL, THAT’S NOT THE “THAT TIME OF YEAR,” I’M TALKING ABOUT.

THE SHADOW OF LOSS THAT FOLLOWS THE LIGHT

YOU KNOW IT, THE SKY IS DARK AND RAINY, AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THE LOVED ONE WHO ISN’T HERE. YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND ARE TRANSPORTED TO THE MOMENT YOU GOT THE NEWS. MAYBE THE SUN IS SHINING, IT IS UNUSUALLY WARM, BUT STILL, ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THAT PHONE CALL OR THAT AWFUL EVENT. THE THING IS, THIS TIME OF YEAR DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT TIME OF YEAR. YOU CAN HEAL.

MAYBE YOUR MEMORY ISN’T OF A LOST LOVED ONE, MAYBE HOLIDAYS WERE NIGHTMARES IN YOUR HOME. THAT TIME OF YEAR WHEN IT LOOKS AS IF THE WORLD IS CELEBRATING BUT YOU ARE DYING INSIDE WISHING YOU COULD GET RID OF THE IMAGES OF THOSE HORRIBLE DAYS WHEN NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENED AND ALL YOU KNEW TO DO AS A CHILD WAS HIDE. YOU TOO, CAN GET RELIEF FROM THOSE AWFUL IMAGES AND MEMORIES HAUNTING YOU AT THAT TIME OF YEAR.

I GET IT, YOU THINK HEALING IS NOT POSSIBLE, AND LIFE WILL NEVER BE WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE. SOMETIMES THE MEMORIES ARE OF HISTORIC CHILDHOOD EVENTS THAT YOU JUST CAN’T SHAKE. YOU DON’T JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT LITTLE GIRL OR BOY THERE STRUGGLING AND ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. THAT YOUNG CHILD YOU REMEMBER MAY HAVE BEEN TERRIFIED, BUT STILL THOUGHT WHAT WAS HAPPENING WAS NORMAL.

FROM DESPAIR TO HEALING: MY TOOL

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES SOMEONE HAS SAT IN MY OFFICE AND MELTED WITH TEARS AS THEY TOLD ME OF THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE OR A TRAGIC EVENT THAT CHANGED THEIR LIVES FOREVER. UNTIL ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, THE ONLY THING I COULD DO WAS LISTEN AND OFFER IMPROVED INSIGHT, RECOGNITION OF WARNING SIGNS, TRIGGERS, AND RELENTLESSLY PURSUE COPING SKILLS AS WE WORKED TO TURN THAT TIME OF YEAR INTO THIS TIME OF YEAR. NOW, I HAVE A BETTER TOOL. THAT TOOL, DEVELOPED BY LANEY ROSENZWEIG, IS CALLED ACCELERATED RESOLUTION THERAPY (ART). NOW, IT ALMOST FEELS AS IF A MIRACULOUS CHANGE HAS BEN MADE. I USE A HITCH‑ALIGNMENT TOOL, WHICH IS AN EXPANDABLE METAL STICK WITH A BALL ON THE END TO HELP PEOPLE MOVE THEIR EYES. I GIVE YOU WEIRD INSTRUCTIONS AND YOU DECIDE WHAT CHANGES YOU WANT TO MAKE. THAT BALL ON A STICK HAS BEEN CALLED MANY THINGS, INCLUDING A MIRACLE BALL AND A BLESING BALL. I HAVE FOUND ART TO BE A HIGHLY EFFECTIVE, EVIDENCE‑BASED TREATMENT FOR COMPLICATED GRIEF, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, PTSD, AND RELATED CONDITIONS. I FREQUENTLY TELL PEOPLE, YOU DID THE WORK, I JUST WAVED A BALL IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND SAID WEIRD STUFF.

SEEING THE CHANGE IN REAL TIME

I ADMIT, I GET A RUSH WHEN I SEE YOUR BODY RELAX AND TEN YEARS DROP FROM YOUR FACE AS YOU LET GO OF THE DEATH‑GRIP PAIN HAS UPON YOUR BODY. SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT, LET ME HELP. I AM VICKIE, A THERAPIST IN MARYVILLE, TN, AND I HELP PEOPLE FROM KNOXVILLE AND THE SURROUNDING COMMUNITIES FIND A COUNSELOR, HEAL FROM THEIR TRAUMA, AND ADVERSE LIFE EXPERIENCES. I CAN HELP YOU. CLICK THE LINK AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE, AND SCHEDULE A TIME SO WE CAN TALK.

HOW TO GET HELP THIS SEASON

Summary: Even when the holidays trigger painful memories, the Accelerated Resolution Therapy technique I use can transform “that time of year” into a season of healing and hope.

Citations Miller, R. J., et al. (2022). Accelerated Resolution Therapy for PTSD: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Traumatic Stres, 35(4), 456‑466. DOI:10.1002/jts.22789. American Psychological Association. (2023). Guidelines for the Treatment of Trauma‑Related Disorders. APA Publishing. Focus on the Family. (2023). Grief and Faith: Finding Hope After Loss. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/grief‑and‑faith. Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. (2024). Biblical Approaches to Healing Emotional Pain. https://www.ccef.org/biblical‑healing. National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Seasonal Affective Disorder and Holiday‑Related Mood Changes. NIMH Fact Sheet. Everlywell Blog. (2023). 22 Holiday Stress Statistics + Tips to Survive the Festivities. https://www.everlywell.com/blog/sleep-and-stress/holiday-stress-statistics/. APA Holiday Stress Survey. (2023). 41 % of adults reported elevated stress during the holidays. These references support the clinical claims about Accelerated Resolution Therapy, the prevalence of holiday‑related stress, and the faith‑based perspective on grief and healing.