Accelerated Resolution Therapy

Vickie - Licensed Marital & Family Therapist - Downtown Maryville, TN -

The back of your mind is a powerful place. Many times, before you know what is happening, you have acted upon something from the back of your mind. Sometimes you might even joke about it and say something like, "The devil made me do it." The back of your mind is the source of those awful dreams that awaken you in the middle of the night and the panic attacks that encase you with sheer terror. Ironically, it is also the place of all your hopes and dreams. Sometimes, it is called the subconscious, and experts on all things brain will often use terms such as limbic system, parasympathetic, and sympathetic system. These are all fancy words for the back of your mind. You know the place; many times, it haunts you even though the world sees a smile and a happy face. You cannot wait to get to your car so you can fall apart. That part of your brain often carries a running script, reminding you of every mistake you have made or what a horrible human being you must be. It will taunt you and tell you that God does not love you, nobody loves you, you are unlovable, and the litany of derogatory rants can be never-ending. I am Vickie, and as a therapist in Maryville, TN, I use Accelerated Resolution Therapy to target the back of your mind. That is right, it targets that place where your imagination runs wild. I often think about the children's story Alice in Wonderland when I am engaging in a session of Accelerated Resolution Therapy. The wild, whimsical, sometimes frightening, fast-paced world of imagination. Much like that crazy dream you had last night that makes no sense, that part of your brain works overtime to help you heal by using wild and fantastic images and thoughts. Your brain wants to heal your emotions; most of the time, it can. Sometimes it gets stuck and cannot. That is where I come in. The process allows you to gently and safely pull those frightening thoughts to the front and help your brain make the repairs you need. New neural pathways are built through a single session. I love experiencing the thrill of watching tears of relief fall down someone's face as they smile and say, "It is gone, I cannot believe it is really gone." When you engage in a session of Accelerated Resolution Therapy with me, you will find your body relaxing almost immediately. We will look at the problem, but you do not necessarily have to tell me all of the gory details. By the end of each session, you will feel as if you are alive again. The symptoms are gone, not suspended, but gone. Your body feels relaxed, and most people tell me they cannot believe it was this easy.

Self‑Care vs. Self‑Sacrifice: A Therapist’s Guide (Maryville TN)

Self‑care isn’t a selfish luxury; it’s the biblical principle of stewarding the spirit, body, mind, and emotions God gave you so you can love others from a place of wholeness instead of exhaustion. When you stop trying to be everyone’s rescue rope and start honoring your own needs, the endless “fix‑everyone” cycle collapses, you protect the people you care about from unhealthy dependence, and you reclaim the peace that Scripture promises. As a Christian marriage‑and‑family therapist (LMFT TN 579), I’m here to help you break that pattern, set healthy boundaries, and walk the path of true, faith‑filled self‑care.

SELF‑CARE VS. SELF‑SACRIFICE

You feel it, the tightness in your shoulders, heaviness in your chest, pressure in your head. You wonder if things will ever get any better. You do your best, hoping to help the people you love. You help your children—maybe they are adults now—but you just can’t stop. They need you. They might fail if you don’t step in and take care of them.

You feel it, restlessness at night, your mind won’t slow down, and you can’t keep up with your thoughts. Sleep runs from you, and you can’t catch up. Close your eyes, try to relax, look at the clock, and think I only have a couple more hours to sleep. When will it ever be your turn to slow down and take a break?

You know what I am talking about: you have to take care of everyone in the family, and maybe a few people who are like family. You can’t let them down. You have to be there for them because you love them, and watching them struggle causes you pain. You have to stop their pain! Or, is it that you have to stop the pain you feel while you watch them struggle?

Ah, that changes your entire perspective, doesn’t it? You have to help them stop hurting, so you can stop hurting. Think long and hard about it. You proudly think something like “I am strong, I can take it.” So you give up what you need to allow them to have what they want, all because “I can’t stand to see them hurt.” You call it being nice or kind. You call it being generous and giving. Is it, though? Maybe you are depriving them of their opportunity to grow and develop. Maybe you are causing them to struggle more and longer, all because you can’t stand to watch them hurt.

You wear yourself out giving other people what they want, while you give up what you need. Then you find yourself emotionally exhausted and hopeless. You become depressed and anxious, wondering if anyone will ever care enough to do the same for you. Well, the answer is “no,” they are not, and you need to stop doing that to them as well.

You can stop; you don’t have to continue this vicious cycle that is destroying you. You have a gift, a beautiful gift, and you can learn to use that gift. You can use the gift in a way that makes their lives better and your life better. Keep thinking.

SELF‑SACRIFICE: THE ENDLESS CYCLE
I have heard many pastors rail on the words “self‑care.” They especially criticize therapists for encouraging something called self‑care. Pastors have called it selfish, and I think one may have even referred to it as demonic. I struggle to find other words to describe your need, though.

There are plenty of therapists—most of them, as a matter of fact, who will tell you that you are your first priority and that you need to take care of yourself and be selfish about it. They encourage spa days and eucalyptus treatments, along with meditation and regeneration. Therapists sometimes tell people to remove themselves from anyone who makes them unhappy, even if it causes a family to fall apart. I think these types of recommendations are what pastors complain about.

I want to suggest an alternate definition of self‑care. See, I believe self‑care is important and that most people are not as in tune with your needs as you are with theirs. The problems that come with being an enabler—or what society calls an empath—are less common, though they do happen among men, and the pastors I have heard make the complaint are men.

There are inherent differences between men and women, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions. I would much rather be outside than in the kitchen. I am one of those exceptions. Still, some people do sense other people’s emotions, and they become so entrapped with those emotions that they find themselves willing to do almost anything to stop feeling what they feel. Those are the people I am talking with, because you/we frequently fail to engage in basic self‑care. Those pastors who complain, they take a day off and go golfing or fishing, or whatever they are into. You, however, never take a day off.

You never stop scanning the room for the source of those butterflies in your gut or that sadness in your chest. You are constantly looking for a way to take control and make someone else feel better. You don’t take that day off or those thirty minutes alone with God each day. You hit the floor in the morning, fixing the people around you, and crash at night trying to figure out how to be a better people‑fixer when you get up the next morning. The cycle never ends.

SELF‑CARE REDEFINED
Self‑care isn’t about throwing everyone away or dumping your responsibilities; it’s about keeping your spirit, body, mind, and emotions in shape so you can truly help and support the people you love—rather than staying stuck in that panicked “I’ve got to fix it!” frenzy. When you meet your own needs, you break the hopeless cycle of trying to make everyone happy and instead recognize that you aren’t responsible for other people’s behavior; shielding them from the consequences of their choices only hurts them more.

Learning the art of self‑care—the type of personal maintenance that fills you up and allows you to pour yourself out into healthy service to the people you love—is life‑changing. You can become the supportive person you dream of being, and I can help. Click the link at the top of the page and schedule a time to talk with me. I am Vickie, and I help people learn to love others well.

CREDENTIALS
I am Vickie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (TN License Number 579). Verify my license here: https://www.tn.gov/health/health-program-areas/health-professional-boards/pcmft-board.html

Citations
Proverbs 12:15 (ESV). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 11:14 (ESV). “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 19:20‑21 (ESV). “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” James 5:16 (ESV). “Confess your sins to each other and pray so that you may be healed.” Miller, R. J., et al. (2022). Accelerated Resolution Therapy for PTSD: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 35(4), 456‑466. DOI:10.1002/jts.22789. (clinical evidence for ART) American Psychological Association. (2023). Evidence‑Based Treatments for Anxiety and Depression. APA Publishing. (supports CBT, Family Systems, and other modalities) Focus on the Family. (2023). Living in God’s Peace: Biblical Foundations for Inner Calm. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/peace‑in‑Christ

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– Vickie, Licensed Marital & Family Therapist (Maryville, TN)

— The Lion’s Lamb Family Therapy

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References (APA 7th edition)

Self‑Care vs. Self‑Sacrifice: A Therapist’s Guide (Maryville TN)